Crying vs Buying: Raspberry Handbags.

Looking for a colorful handbag that won’t go out of season? Well, fortunately I did all the work for you. I’m currently *obsessed* with the raspberry Alexander Wang shoulder bag which is the bag in the direct center of this post. Unfortunately, an $800 handbag isn’t realistic for all of us; which is why I did the math for you. Introducing “Crying vs Buying” raspberry bag edition, ranging from Valentino (top left) at $2,500 to YesStyle (bottom right) at $83. Xo.

Raspberry

Gilmore Girls is Coming to Netflix: Your Life Is Now Complete.

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How is it possible that the premiere of a television show on Netflix could be life changing? The answer is very simple; it just will. Never have I laughed, cried, or felt personally involved in a series as I have with Gilmore Girls. I’m also really looking forward to having input on future conversations we will have. I have the series box set, old school.

A brief synopsis of the series: Lorelai, played by Lauren Graham, is a single mother raising the teenage daughter she had when she was a teen. Her daughter Rory (short for Lorelai) is played by Alexis Bledel, aka my girl crush, aka Pete Campbell from Mad Men’s bae/wifey. In the first season Rory gets accepted to a prestigious private school because she’s every parents dream and a good-girl genius. Like many single mothers, Lorelai doesn’t have excess $$$ to spend on her daughter’s education, so she is forced to ask her pretentious parents for assistance in funding Chilton Preparatory School. Her parents, who she was previously estranged from, agree to pay for Rory’s schooling in return for weekly dinners.

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Rory Gilmore has read more books than Disney Princess Belle. She is sassy enough to repeatedly reject conceited bros like Chad Michael Murray. Rory loves junk food, punctuality, avoiding excessive amounts of socialization, and guys with long hair who wear leather jackets. She hates exercise, school-organized functions, and being the center of attention. Rory struggles with boys obsessing and ignoring her in rotation, mediating the relationship between her mother and her grandparents, and adapting to the new life that comes with attending school with the overly privileged (particularly the original Regina George, Paris Geller)

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Lorelai Gilmore is a certified bad bitch, milf-next-door, and manager at the Independence Inn. While her daughter Rory is the more practical of the two, Lorelai is the one you’d invite to a party. Lorelai and Rory bond over their unhealthy eating habits, genetically induced coffee addiction, and ability to attract ridiculously attractive men. Her love life is more frustrating and eventful than a freshman girl, but you’ll know from the first season who you want her to be with in the finale.

“I’m attracted to pie, that doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie.” – Lorelai Gilmore

I don’t want to spoil your experience by telling you anymore about the show. However, I can tell you that you will crave food combinations you never thought imaginable, and you will fall in love.

Would You Rather: For Experts.

Hello and welcome to the most important “would you rather” game you will ever play. A few of these dilemmas have been passed through friends (#1 Vic, thank you), some created by yours truly, and many submitted through a link I shared on my Facebook page.

Enjoy, you twisted freaks.

1.)

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2.) Get fucked by a goat and no one finds out about it, or not get fucked by a goat and have everyone think you did?

 

3.) 

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4.)Wear Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur for the rest of your life, or listen to Apple Bottom Jeans (Low) by Flo Rida for the rest of your life?

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*choose wisely*

5.)

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6.)

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7.) Orgasm once every 20 seconds or once every 20 years?

8.)

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Two people submitted situations in which you wouldn’t know the difference between babies and apples….. wtf


9.)Would you rather be hairy all over or completely bald?

10.)

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11.) Fight one hundred duck sized horses or one horse sized duck?

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12.)

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13.) Would you rather bathe in a tub full of cum or chew on a used tampon?

*I can’t believe I am publishing that statement on my site but I figured it took a twisted sort of talent to submit that*

14.)

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15.)

Whats with all the mayo, guys?

Whats with all the mayo, guys?

 

*Also someone submitted to me the predicament : “You get to have sex with anyone you want (male or Female), but every time you do your mom gets a text that you’re having sex”, I wouldn’t necessarily say this is a “would you rather” question, but definitely something to consider.*

 

 

Fun fact about yourself.

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It is the icebreaker that freezes the train of thought running through your head; the question we negatively anticipate answering every time we enter a new workplace or classroom,  “What is a fun fact about yourself?” It is the runner-up for the most awkward question in the world, second only to the #1 most uncomfortable question “how many people have you slept with” (which is only asked by assholes anyways.)

When we’re only given the opportunity to describe ourselves in one sentence that is supposedly the most interesting fact about us, we’re allowing people to judge us based on one fact. Whatever we choose to tell the group probably isn’t actually the most fascinating thing we have to say about ourselves; just an opportunity to humbly brag without looking like a douche or a basic bitch (which is the biggest challenge.)

Fun facts that I recycle:

  1. I am a limbo champion.
    • Downside: look like a hoe.
  2. I have a webbed toe, and double-jointed arms that I can jump rope.
    • Downside: look like a deformed freak.
  3. I have a popular blog where I write about guys and other shit that sucks.
    • Downside: look like a self promoting asshole.

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Worst fun facts someone can use:

  1. You are a model.
    • First things first your not modestttt
  2. You’ve raised __ amount of money for a fundraiser
    • This isn’t your nobel peace acceptance speech. Of course you have the right to be proud, but you didn’t save kids in Africa for bragging rights, or a profile picture (I hope.) This kind of thing should come up in a conversation ~naturally~
  3. You love sports.
    • Cool, you have something in common with literally everyone.
  4. You have a parody twitter account.
    • Already hate you.
  5. Your parents have some impressive job at some popular company.
    • Similar to announcing your first car was a Porche. Do you want to make friends?
  6. 9/11 was a conspiracy.
    • Oh.

Great fun facts:

  1. You have a pet pig.
    • Pics or it didn’t happen.
  2. You have two same-sex parents.
    • You are the fucking future.
  3. You have a trippy story about that time you tried DMT
    • Did you see God? Please tell me the pros and cons about your religious experience.
  4. You speak another language.
    • *Only if you plan on teaching me how to swear in another language*
  5. Your dog is internet famous.
    • Not if you’re internet famous, thats irrelevant. Do you have a pug? Do you have vids?

Anyways, I vote we boycott this icebreaker all together. Not only is it unoriginal, but rather than breaking the ice it creates an awkward tension and leaves room for wayyy too much judgement.

Better icebreaker suggestions:

  1. If you’re having a bad day: What movie/TV series do you put on and what pint of ice cream is in your hand?
  2. Would you rather: give up cheese or oral sex?
  3. What fast food restaurant makes the best french fries?
  4. Would you rather receive a dance lesson from Beyonce or smoke a bong with Rihanna?
  5. What was the worst gift you ever received from an ex boyfriend?
  6. Describe your ideal cheeseburger?
  7. Would you rather: wear heels everyday for a year or carry around a giant teddy bear everyday/everywhere for a year?
  8. Whats your favorite flavor of Freezepops? Starbursts? Jolly Rancher? Sour Patch Kids? Skittles?
  9. If a food delivery man were to come through the doors right now,  where would he be delivering from and what did you order?
  10. Fuck, Marry, Kill: James Franco, Ryan Sheckler, and Liam Hemsworth?

For those of you who have to run a meeting or some-shit in the near future that calls for an icebreaker question, you are welcome. xo

11 Things People From Massachusetts Don’t Do.

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I recently quit my job working the front desk at the Boston Park Plaza hotel; the second biggest hotel in Boston. As someone who hates waking up before 10 am everyday, I generally worked the night shift– meaning there was rarely a concierge on duty for the second half of my shift…so I was forced to learn a bit about my city. Over my time there I met thousands of tourists, many of which asked similar questions and were surprised to find a few things to be true.

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1.) Nobody calls Boston “Beantown” or “The Bean”

Unless they are a.) wicked lame, or b.) not born/raised in Massachusetts *cringes*. In my time working at the Park Plaza only one person ever asked me where to get “authentic Boston baked beans”, and I had to google it.

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2.) Not everyone from Massachusetts has a Boston Accent.

I pronounce my “r”s for the most part and so does nearly everybody I know. I have a few friends from Southie and Charlestown that have accents that rival those in The Departed– but thick Boston accents are far and few between. If I had a dollar for every time a guest informed me upon meeting me that I was “definitely not from around here”, I’d be the richest girl alive.

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3.) Few people in Boston even know what “wicked pissah” means

People tell me all the time but I forget every time—- BECAUSE IT IS NOT APPLICABLE IN ANY CONVERSATIONS.

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4.) Most of us don’t loathe people from New York…. majority of us DGAF.

Only hard core 6th grade bros wear t-shirts that say “Yankees Suck.” Aside from game day in Fenway…. nobody cares if you’re a Boston fan or a New York Fan. Although it is a little obnoxious non-conformist to be a Yankees fan born and raised in MA.

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5.) Not everyone is obsessed with Dunkin Donuts.

Most Bostonians recognize that there is better coffee out there. Dunkins is good 50% of the time and the other half it is watery and nasty. I prefer Marylous, but there are a lot of other good options.

Side note: Dunkie’s bacon egg and cheese on a croissant is the best thing in the world and I cannot deny that.

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6.) Not everyone calls the liquor store the “packy”

In fact, most people don’t– just middle aged alcoholic Bostonians. Generally we go with “liquor store”… you know… like everyone else in the world.

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7.) We’re not all shitty drivers.

I’m not the best driver but it has nothing to do with rage and everything to do with attention span.

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8.)  Not everyone spends the weekend on the cape.

Most people in Massachusetts don’t even live near the beach (I do, fortunately.) We don’t live off lobstah and chowdah (in fact I have a lot of friends that don’t like seafood) and most of us pronounce “lobster” and “chowder”… you know.. with an R and stuff.

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9.) People don’t really drink at Cheers!

Only tourists! Nor do most of us give a f*ck whether or not Modern Pastry or Mike’s Pastry is better.

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10.) Not everyone wears Vineyard Vines.

I’d rather wear a paper bag than a pastel floral getup. Vineyard Vines/In The Pink (Lilly Pulitzer) aren’t particularly affordable and are meant mostly for those spending memorial day weekend in Nantucket.

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11.) You will never park your car in the Harvard Yard.

But it is really hard to find parking so I suggest parking in an MBTA parking lot and taking the T in.

 

*I grew up in Marshfield, Massachusetts just 30 minutes south of Boston and have lived in Mass my entire life*

Backburners: The Fall of Monogamy

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A few months ago I found myself  blindsided and heartbroken. Years had gone by since someone had truly hurt me. Things hadn’t felt right in a few weeks, but before that everything was blissful. He was perfect as far as I was concerned, as far as my friends knew, and as far as my heart trusted. He led me to believe that I was the one he imagined a future with. We were distant in physicality (proximity, not attraction) but seemed to be on the same page in every other aspect of our relationship. With the exception, of course, that we weren’t in one at all. We met while we both lived in Boston, and he insisted he wanted to move back in order to be with me. This didn’t stop me from seeing other people. Still, seeing a photo of him with another (very attractive) girl with the caption “my life” felt like a dagger to my heart. I reminded myself that I had no ‘right’ to be mad. My relationship with this guy hadn’t halted my sexual expeditions. Justification doesn’t ease pain.

Those in relationships are the minority, not the majority. The rest of us have our back burners, side-burners, back-side-burners, and those in queue for a burner. We have Tinder, Ok!Cupid, Sugardaddy.com, bars, backup plans, and hometown booty-calls. When someone fails to meet our expectations, there is another person to take their place. Because we are always waiting for the ‘next best thing’, we focus only on the flaws of those we choose not to be with, as opposed to comparing their level of imperfection to ours. The promise of what ‘could be’ is more attractive than what is. This potential is simply an illusion. Commitment means compromise. Still, you don’t want to lower your expectations or date a pushover. We don’t want to be with someone with conflicting values, nor someone agreeable and predictable. We don’t want someone of inferior looks, but we also don’t want society to question why someone ‘out of our league’ is dating us. We want to find someone intellectually stimulating and successful, but not somebody that talks down. You’ll only find the entire package if you, too, are the entire package.

If your text is ignored there is always a Tinder match ready to counteract your insecurities with compliments. Any damage done by one can be cured with the kiss of another. When one person forces you to question your worth, your high-school fuck buddy responds to your texts at 2 a.m. to remind you that you’re hard to forget. We are dispensable to one another. We know that if we let ourselves fall deeply for someone and quit the mind games we’re bound to lose our romantic interest’s attention– after all, nobody has ever won a game they forfeited. So, in order to keep our confidence at a stable level, we have many flings going at once. Life is a real-life version of the Bachelor; except we are sparse with our text-messages, not roses. Unless, of course, you’re dating your high school sweetheart.

Many of us fear that if we aren’t in a serious relationship in college then we will miss out on the educational experience. It isn’t as though the actual logistics of monogamy are appealing, it’s that we don’t want to be be classified as ‘undateable.’ We’re afraid of commitment, we’re afraid of being hurt, but more than anything we’re afraid that we’ll be alone forever. Is monogamy a thing of the past? Are options a bad thing, or does access to many different people allow us to be more selective with our end-all be-all?

Celebs– They’re Just Like Us! (Nude Photo Scandal)

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A few months ago I heard of 4chan for the first time. I was hanging out with some non-conformist hipster Australian guy at his apartment, and his idea of a date was watching Vice documentaries about Anonymous and 4chan was a big part of that. The documentary (click) on “hacktivists,” showed that those who have supreme hacking skills have the ability to do great things for the world– anonymously. The first time many of you have heard of 4chan was this past weekend when nudie pics of all your favorite celebs circled the internet. 

I’m not going to violate their privacy any more than it has, you can google their pictures if you’re really that curious. Many of them have been taken off, but it was still relatively easy to find Jennifer Lawrence’s and Kate Uptons…. probably because they got the worst of the hack. It was an interesting change of scenery– seeing celebs with little on, looking untouched. *If anything it was a nice reminder that they are human*– Kate Upton is still smoking hot but definitely doesn’t have a tan/toned glow like in her professional photos.

BUT THIS HAPPENS EVERY DAMN DAY TO A LOT OF PEOPLE. I’m not sure if many of you are familiar with a website called anonib.com, but it is an anonymous way to post “adult images”– and you might know somebody on it. The website was brought to my attention a couple year ago when my (clothed) picture was on it and somebody was requesting “wins.” You used to be able to look people up by hometown or school, luckily that isn’t the case anymore… but I have had to let a few girls know their private pictures were now public spectacles. It is horrifying, and YES there is a “revenge” tag. 

I understand that these celebrities privacy has been violated on a much larger scale, but this is something that happens to non-famous girls every day. Now, I think a lot of us should clean up our camera rolls and sensor our snap chats. iCloud is not your friend, apparently.